Why Nobody Prepares You For After Birth
Bringing a baby into the world is life-changing, but the postpartum period—often called the “fourth trimester”—is a deeply transformative time that many feel unprepared for. Society has made incredible strides in discussing pregnancy and birth, but we’re still quiet about the messy, raw, and emotional realities that come after.
Postpartum is not just sleepless nights and diaper changes. It’s:
- Hormonal shifts that feel like tidal waves.
- Emotional lows, from baby blues to postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA).
- Physical recovery that includes bleeding, stitches, and discomfort.
- Unexpected body changes, like night sweats, hair loss, and body odor from breastfeeding.
I’ll never forget struggling with the excessive sweating and an unfamiliar body odor after breastfeeding. I was so embarrassed, thinking I was alone in this until four years later, I discovered my mom friends had experienced it too. We keep these things to ourselves, fearing judgment or the perception that we’re not “good moms.” But these are normal parts of postpartum recovery.
There were moments when I was filled with vivid, anxiety-inducing thoughts—frightening imagery and dreams I couldn’t share, not even with my husband. I was desperate to prove I was a great mom, afraid to reveal the depth of my struggles. Looking back, I realize how crucial it is to normalize these experiences and plan for them.
Template To Make A Postpartum Plan
A postpartum plan can help ease this transition by addressing your physical, emotional, and logistical needs. Here’s a guide to creating one:
1. Physical Recovery
- Stock up on postpartum essentials: pads, nipple cream, peri bottles, ice packs.
- Schedule rest: Plan for times when you can nap or sit with your feet up.
- Prepare easy, nourishing meals or freeze meals ahead of time. Get your list of easy-to-prep postpartum meals here.
2. Emotional Wellbeing
- Identify trusted people to talk to about your feelings.
- Have a list of local support groups and resources (e.g., La Leche League, postpartum counseling services).
- Include a plan for self-care, even in small ways like a daily shower or quiet time. See suggestions for 5-10 minute self-care activities below.
3. Household Responsibilities
- Delegate tasks like cooking, cleaning, or laundry to your partner, family, or friends.
- Create a visitor schedule so you’re not overwhelmed with guests. Get your visitor schedule template here.
4. Feeding Plans
- Decide whether you’ll breastfeed, bottle-feed, or both. Have supplies ready for either option.
- Identify a lactation consultant if needed.
5. Emergency Plan
- Know the signs of PPD/PPA:
- Persistent sadness, crying, or irritability
- Feelings of hopelessness or guilt
- Difficulty bonding with the baby
- Intense anxiety, fear, or panic attacks
- Trouble sleeping or eating
- Intrusive thoughts or vivid nightmares
- Seek help if these symptoms last more than two weeks or feel unmanageable. Contact a healthcare provider or postpartum mental health specialist.
- Create a keyword or signal (e.g., “blue days”) to indicate when either partner needs extra support or a break.
Postpartum Plan Tips To Share With Your Partner
Partners play a vital role in the postpartum journey. Here are ways they can support you:
What to Say:
- “You’re doing an amazing job.”
- “How can I help you right now?”
- “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed; we’ll get through this together.”
- “I’m so proud of you.”
- “Thank you for all you’re doing for our family.”
- “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
What Not to Say:
- “Why are you crying again?”
- “It’s not that hard.”
- “Other moms seem to handle this just fine.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Just relax.”
Tips for Balancing Responsibilities:
- Take over diaper changes, burping, or household chores without being asked.
- Encourage mom to take short breaks for herself.
- Stay patient and listen without judgment.
Give Each Other Grace:
- Remember that both of you are adjusting to a new normal.
- If emotions run high, take a breath before responding.
- Use a journal or notebook to communicate when words are hard to say. Write down your thoughts and exchange it as a way to open up dialogue.
Small Ways to Practice Self-Care (5-10 Minutes)
- Take deep breaths or practice a short meditation.
- Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee without distractions.
- Write a few lines in a gratitude journal.
- Step outside for fresh air and sunshine.
- Do a quick stretch or yoga pose.
- Listen to a favorite song or calming playlist.
Daily Affirmations for Postpartum Moms
- “I am doing the best I can, and that is enough.”
- “My body is strong and capable.”
- “It’s okay to ask for help.”
- “I am worthy of rest and self-care.”
- “I am a loving and present parent.”
- “This phase is temporary, and I will get through it.”
Display these affirmations in areas you frequent, like near the rocking chair, on the fridge, or on the wall in front of the toilet, to keep them visible and uplifting.
Additional Resources For Your Postpartum Plan:
Support and education can make a world of difference during postpartum:
Support Groups and Communities
- Local postpartum support groups
- Online communities for new parents
Podcasts to Explore
Books to Read
- The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson
- What No One Tells You by Alexandra Sacks and Catherine Birndorf
- Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman
Journaling and Reflection
- Keep a postpartum journal to document feelings, milestones, and moments of gratitude.
Final Thoughts
The postpartum period is filled with beauty and challenges. Creating a postpartum plan helps you and your partner navigate the raw, messy, and emotional moments with intention and grace. It’s not about having all the answers but about building a foundation of support and understanding for this transformative time. Remember, you’re not alone, and your journey is valid.
